Till Death Do Us Part
by uriekuki
Summary: They are PureClan, and PureClan is them. But are they really? (A PureClan story for Swyfte)
1. Till Death Do Us Part

_It is against the code to think of love, to speak of love, to entertain the mere idea of love. It is forbidden for anyone, ever, to fall in love. Harden your hearts, cast out your feelings; we are Pure and the Pure do not succumb to weakness. - Brightstar, founder of PureClan_

 _ **/ \**_

"You don't seem like the type to conspire against your own leader."

It was dark, the sun long since set and the moon rising comfortably to take its place among the stars. The trees around them looked more like sinister creatures than bits of wood and leaves. Against her fur the wind felt ice cold. Everything seemed so much crueller at night, or perhaps that was just because she was so on edge.

"There's a type for that?" she replied smoothly. While she might be terrified of someone listening to their moonlit rendezvous, she would never let her confidant get even an _inkling_ of that fear. There was no one listening. She'd scoped the area out like she did every time they met, scoured the thick forest for places to hide, searched the canopy for spies. Her life depended on their subtlety.

Her confidant, her informant, was not a friend; never a friend. No, the way Solace smiled at her was in no way friendly. It was far too malicious. "There's always a type," Solace purred. "It's the twisted warrior, the grieving queen, the ambitious deputy, the scheming neighbor."

"Don't I count as the ambitious deputy?" She'd never been inclined to explain _why_ she was doing this, or _why_ Eaglestar had to die. It was none of Solace's business. All her confidant needed to do was set the trap when the time was right.

Solace shook her head, smile turning coy. "There was nothing ambitious about the way you crept into my domain and begged for my help. There was nothing ambitious about the way you _reeked_ of fear. No, you don't count as the ambitious deputy. You're an outlier. You plan to run from something that terrifies you by killing its origin. Eaglestar scares you."

The rogue was right in a way. Eaglestar did scare her, but it was nothing to do with him and all to do with her. "Just tell me that everything is ready. Tell me that I can bring him into the city and be done with all this," she snapped.

"In all our meetings we have yet to discuss my payment, Icebird. I'm not doing this for free, or out of the goodness of my heart. What will the great PureClan be willing to give up?" she leered.

"What do you want?" Icebird hissed. Her payment was already going to be great, the cost taxing on her soul.

Solace flicked her white tail and tilted her head, humming quietly. There was calculation in the green of her eyes. "Your raids on the city cost me many cats," she said. "In return for helping you murder your leader I want your word that PureClan will stay out of my side of the city when they raid."

 _That_ could prove annoying to say the least. Solace ran the closest half of the city, when they raided they always did it within her domain and rarely strayed over the border into Shade's land. Still giving up a little hunting ground didn't matter in the long run. Their deal would be null and void if the city boss was to die. Icebird stared at Solace, let the silence thicken and congeal before she spoke. "I accept. Spring the trap when we enter the city for our last raid in your territory, and PureClan warriors will never step foot there again."

She grinned smugly and extended a forepaw. "Shall we swear on it, like city cats?" Solace said. "Touch paws with me and your future will be secured."

There was a moment of hesitation, of regret, for the awful things she was about to set in motion. A part of her wanted to turn and run back to camp, forget about the midnight meetings and shaky alliances. But Eaglestar was a threat. He could undo everything she had strived so hard to achieve, make the blood on her paws all for naught. So Icebird, deputy of PureClan and pair to Eaglestar, touched paws with Solace and sold her leader to Death.

"Pleasure doing business with you again, Icebird. You'll have to come visit me in the city once this is all over, my brother will be _thrilled_ to meet you. He's always had a thing for you Clan cats. I'll tell him that you say hello and that you'll be causing chaos in his territory soon," Solace laughed, already backing into the night.

Icebird watched her go, silent and strangely morose. This had been her plan for moons; so what had changed to make her feel so off balance about it all? It wasn't the prospect of murder. She was a PureClan warrior, they specialised in breeding cold-hearted killers. So just what was dragging at her paws?

She crept back into camp while the guard wasn't looking - Cedarhawk wasn't the most observant warrior which was why he was on duty that night. Her paws carried her to the bedraggled bush, weighed down by thick ivy, that the warriors slept in. Yet her eyes strayed to the hill in the centre of camp, to the yawning hole in the bottom of it and the den where Eaglestar slept. She knew exactly why the way she felt about her plan had changed. It had everything to do with him.

Her nest was cold. If she stared at her paws long enough she could see Flamefeather and Rooktooth's blood coating them. Were they watching her from StarClan wondering why? A long time ago it had been about ambition. Now it was about survival.

 ** _/ \_**

"Morning, darling." He always showed up when she least expected it, cocky grin in its usual place, looking more like a mischievous apprentice than respected leader. "You look lovely today." To someone not from PureClan Icebird supposed that would sound romantic, but there was nothing romantic about Eaglestar saying it. How could there be when even the mere idea of love was banned by the Code, stripped away from them and claimed to be a poison. No, he meant it only as a sense of routine, of normalcy.

She turned away from the skinny squirrel she'd been picking at, armed her muzzle with a sharp smile, and purred back, "lovelier than you do, my dear."

Eaglestar, golden tabby coat resplendent in the morning light, scowled back. "I'll have you know, pairey dear, that no one can look lovelier than me. I am the loveliest creature in the world." He tossed his head back and _almost_ looked like a regal leader, almost. "You do come in close second though, if that makes you feel any better."

"Oh it makes me feel _so much_ better," she snorted. Hailpaw trotted by on his way to the elder's den it looked like. She called to him, "get your leader something off the fresh kill pile and be quick about it!"

"I do love it when you order the apprentices around." Icebird almost flinched. That word coiled tightly in her gut and turned foul. In the morning sun their Clan looked no different from the ones she knew dwelled moons away by a lake, but it was the darkness under their skin that set them apart; the unspoken fear that drove them to murder and pillage.

Hailpaw dropped a sparrow at Eaglestar's paws. "Anything else you need?" he muttered.

"Mm, yes," Eaglestar spat out a mouthful of feathers. "Respect your elders, little kit, and drop that tone. Great StarClan you tiny ones have no sense of respect these days."

Icebird laughed. It didn't feel as hollow as it usually did. "That's rich coming from you. Have you forgotten how much of a pain you were as an apprentice?" she said.

"If I remember correctly, and I always do, _you_ were the one that got us into all sorts of trouble," he scoffed.

The world faded then. Her mouth ran on instinct, spitting out the usual bickering that had become the norm. But her mind was far away. One day soon all this would be changed. The sun would set on a Clan with him as their leader and rise with her in his place, soaked in his blood, drowning in the knowledge that she'd ruined it all. Solace was in the city planning it all, setting up the trap they'd agreed on, and in a few days she'd be back to find out when Clan cats would sack her city for the last time. They'd both risked too much to call it off now.

He smiled at her then with none of his usual cockiness, and her heart beat that forbidden rhythm. _That_ was why it could not be called off. _That_ was why he had to die. His mere existence had become a danger. She'd seen what the Clan did to those that fell for the poison; the public executions, the torture, the beatings. They would not get to do that to her. In a matter of days she would drag him into the city and watch him die. In a matter of days she would stand as Icestar, survivor of the poison.

"You look deep in thought, dearest pair," Eaglestar said.

Icebird stripped the last of the meat from her squirrel, then looked everywhere but her leader. The apprentice, Hailpaw, had escaped; the white tip of his tail whisking into the elder's den. "Usurping you."

He didn't even tremble, "very funny. You shouldn't joke about that, you know? Someone might think you mean it seriously and that could cause all sorts of drama, and that means more work for me."

 _If only you knew._ "You don't think I'd ever do it?" she asked curiously. Had he never even been the slightest bit suspicious of her? Everyone else had ever since the night she'd stumbled back into the camp covered in Rooktooth's blood. " _The poison!"_ she'd crowed, " _he had the poison!"_ It had merely been coincidence that Eaglestar had been planning on choosing Rooktooth for deputy when Wrenflight stepped down.

Three moons later she was deputy and Flamefeather was far too curious for her own good, sniffing around places she shouldn't, asking for answers to questions she most certainly shouldn't know about. Sunset painted the forest leaves red, and she'd painted the grass the same colour. It had been a bloody path to get here - it was about to get considerably bloodier.

"I don't doubt you aren't cunning enough to do it, I doubt your conviction. You like me too much to off me. I keep you entertained in this dull Clan. Boredom would sweep in and finish you off if I wasn't around anymore," Eaglestar winked.

The truth in his words scared her. She did like him too much, but that wasn't about to stop her from sending him to StarClan. This feeling dwelling in her heart she hated. It tasted foul, felt even worse; made her breath come quick when he looked her way, made her skin warm when he spoke her name. No wonder Brightstar had outlawed it. Love was a poison, it made them weak. Icebird knew that now - she knew that far too well.

"What would I do without you?" she murmured.

"Wither away, my dear." Eaglestar rolled onto his back, stretching in the warm sun. "Now, go and do your deputy duties. Your handsome leader has a nap to take."

She supposed she would find out soon enough.

 ** _/ \_**

The tainted was a foul smelling beast, a bundle of matted fur, urine, blood, and fear. He was huge though, towered over her, thick with muscle that had begun to waste. But it was the ferocity still in his eyes that had driven Icepaw to choose him for her assessment. He would test her. He would make her look like a true PureClan warrior ready to strip the poison from the world.

"Begin," Gorsestar commanded. The ring of excited Clan cats grew even closer.

Icepaw didn't wait for her tainted to move first. No, she flung herself under his belly before Gorsestar had even finished speaking. It stunk even worse under there and her claws caught in the matts, pulling almost painfully. Somehow they found skin, catching and tearing, staining foul gray fur scarlet. He howled, her hulking beast, and made to drop on top of her, to crush her beneath him. Icepaw was ready, already slipping out from under him with a final drag of her claws through skin. From the corner of her eye she could see the other apprentices - three of them - watching closely. They would have to do the same thing next: prove their murderous intent in front of their Clan mates.

The tainted moved quicker than she expected he could and threw out a paw that thudded heavily into her side. It flung her to the blood spattered grass. Before she could scramble to her paws he crashed down, claws sinking into her shoulder and pinning her. "Did you think I would cower and quiver while you tore me apart?" his breath washed over her, putrid and hot. "Perhaps it's time you PureClan cats were taught a lesson."

She had not picked this tom to let him kill her. "Perhaps it's time you tainted learned your place in the world," Icepaw hissed and kicked up. Her hindpaws caught him in the gut, knocked the air from his lungs and shifted his balance. In the same heartbeat she lurched up - biting back a grunt at the strain on her neck - and bit into his face. A scream caught in his throat at the same moment that his eye popped free of his socket, caught on the end of Icepaw's claw. Her face twisted into a cruel smile, and then she twisted out from underneath him, shaking his bloody eye free.

A growl thundered from him and he stared at her, one eye furious, the other a blood soaked hole. He was trembling, red dripping onto the grass from the gouges in his stomach. Icepaw couldn't tell if the tremors wracking him were born of pain or rage - she didn't really care. The tainted monster would die here, now. She sauntered towards him every inch a PureClan warrior desensitised to slaughter, to bloodshed, to cold-blooded murder. The onlookers might as well not even be there; the world had narrowed to nothing but Icepaw and the tainted locked in a circle, death dogging their heels.

"You don't have it in you," he hissed. His voice lacked confidence.

"Don't I?" she purred sweetly.

Icepaw moved. The tainted tried to scramble out of the way, his paws slipping in his own blood. Wet claws kissed his throat, bit down, ripped deep. In his throat his caterwaul drowned in red, became a sickly gurgling as it filled his throat and bubbled out over his lips. With terrifying satisfaction she let him spit his blood into her face, watching his eyes widen as he struggled to move air past the gaping wound in his throat. His legs gave way, terror filling the air leaking from him in a foul stench. She kept her cold gaze fixed on him until he stopped twitching, until death glazed his eyes. Then she turned to meet Gorsestar's approving stare.

"Well done, Icepaw. You make our future look bright," he said. She was dismissed then, sent back to the other apprentices as the tainted's body was hauled from the circle. It left a smear of scarlet behind.

Nightpaw and Cherrypaw congratulated her with purrs. Eaglepaw did not. Instead he crowed at her, "I bet I can make mine even bloodier."

"I'd like to see you try," she purred and lapped at the blood staining a forepaw.

"Cherrypaw, enter the circle!"

As the golden apprentice stepped in to prove herself, Eaglepaw sidled closer. He was grinning that usual cocky grin of his. "How did it feel to have that tainted nearly beat you?" he murmured.

"You know how I like to drag these sorts of things out," Icepaw retorted. "He was about as close to beating me then as he had been when he was dragged into that circle."

"If you say so." _Insufferable._ He'd been born it, came into the world in love with himself. But he was smart, and strong. Icepaw had to give him that; his cockiness was not misplaced. "Share your answers with me."

She blinked at him. "What?"

"Tomorrow, after our vigil, share your answers to what Gorsestar and Bramblecloud ask you," Eaglepaw explained.

 _Oh_ , those answers. Icepaw bristled, she didn't know if she wanted to share those answers with the arrogant mousebrain in front of her. Well it wouldn't hurt to get his hopes up. "Sure, only if you share yours."

He perked right up, cocky grin turning pleased smile. "Of course! It would be rude not to and I am never rude to pretty she-cats," Eaglepaw winked.

"That must be why I'm never nice to you," she said coyly, "because you're not pretty." His offended squawk made her laugh.

Night swept in silently, swiftly replacing the heat of day with a cool respite. The sun had set on a world with four less tainted in it - each apprentice had passed their assessment. Now came a formality that even PureClan had not been able to shed though they had placed their own spin on it. A vigil over the Clan, a silent watch, a time to think about the vows they had taken alongside their new names. _Icebird._ She might have wanted something a little more ferocious, like Icestorm, but she had no issues with her new name.

From her place by the camp mouth Icebird could look out into the forest, stare into the shadows and what lay beyond. Instead she was watching _him_ from the corner of her eye as he stared out into the dark. The moon bleached his golden coat white. His face was twisted into a scowl. How hard it had been not to laugh at the look on his face when Gorsestar named him Eagleface. She bet he'd been imagining names like Eagleclaw or Eaglescar, something cool and strong sounding.

Would he be her pair? Or would it be Nightpaw, now Nightleap? He didn't seem like too bad of an option, though he kind of faded into the background. Icebird seemed to be faced with two possible futures: spend forever chained to that foxheart with the silly name, or be stuck with a nobody. Maybe she'd get Lightningfrost. He was still waiting for a pair. Cherryspot was lucky, she didn't stand a chance at getting Eagleface for a pair: the two were siblings.

"You look deep in thought." Gorsestar slipped out of the shadows. At his side was his loyal deputy, Bramblecloud. They watched her closely, like hawks watching prey. It nearly made her squirm. "Are you ready for our questions?"

"Yes," she answered firmly.

"Then let's begin. What do you want in your pair?" Gorsestar's eyes looked almost black in the dim light.

Did that even matter? Pairs weren't suppose to like each other, that encouraged thoughts of the poison. All pairs had to do was ensure the future of the Clan by providing kits. "Stubborn obnoxiousness," she muttered.

Bramblecloud snorted. Did the deputy even see her as a daugher anymore? There was this...detachment between kin within the Clan. Originally the poison banned had been specifically the love that was outside of family, the love that brought strangers together. Then it spread, seeped into other kinds of love till there was nothing left of it. PureClan was void of love. "We take your first answer," the deputy said. "So we're counting that."

"What does 'pair' mean to you?"

"A means to carry on PureClan's legacy." Without pairs PureClan would have crumbled to dust seasons ago. Her leader looked pleased with her answer.

Bramblecloud spoke then, "what's your favourite prey?"

"What?" Icebird blurted. "Squirrel?"

"There has to be _some_ similarities between pairs, Icebird, or you'll be ripping each other apart within days," Gorsestar huffed a quiet laugh. "Would you rather live a short, glorious life or a long, boring one?"

That was easy. She was not built to live a boring life, it wasn't in her blood. If she didn't make it to be leader then she wanted to die young and grandly. In battle would be best, giving her life to save her Clan. They would tell her stories long after she was dead. "A short, glorious life."

"What do you wish to accomplish as a warrior?" A cloud drifted over the moon and the camp dipped into murky darkness.

"I want to be leader."

"That's ambitious," Gorsestar said quietly. "Be careful there, Icebird. Those thoughts might lead you down a dark path."

She gave him an easy smile. "You'll see, I'll be a great leader one day."

"One day perhaps. Now, if you had to choose one or the other would you save your pair or your kit?"

"My kit," Icebird replied. "The future of the Clan must be protected."

Bramblecloud smiled a little. "You really are the ideal PureClan warrior," she purred. Was that a hint of motherly pride perhaps? Or just a deputy proud to see the strength in the Clan's youth?

"Would you kill your pair if they contracted the poison?"

"Of course. The poison must be destroyed regardless of who is affected by it."

A wind swept through the forest and set the moon free. Its white light lit up Gorsestar's satisfied smile as it stretched across his muzzle. "Perfect answers. If you live long enough it wouldn't surprise me if you rose to leadership one day. Continue your vigil. Your pair will be given to you in the morning."

"Thank you, Gorsestar." Icebird bowed her head respectfully as the leader and deputy moved on, leaving her to speak with Eagleface. She hoped he gave stupid answers. As if he could sense her watching he turned and gave her a brazen wink. Icebird bared her teeth at him in return.

The night seemed to linger. Dawn's light had never been so beautiful. Her body still ached from the final assessment yesterday and her eyes burned with exhaustion. In the grass beside the apprentice's den was a comfy nest just waiting for her. She felt like she could sleep for days. The others weren't much better off. Cherryspot looked asleep on her paws, head drooping and eyelids fluttering. Even "I'm the best at everything" Eagleface was ruffled. Their saviour came in the form of Reednose slipping from the warrior's den.

"You're free to speak and do what you want," she told them with a purr. "Congratulations! I hope the night wasn't too long."

"It could have been shorter," Nightleap muttered.

None of them could be bothered to stumble through the warrior's den looking for spare nests, so they just flattened down some of the long grass and curled up together. Cherryspot was warm against Icebird's back. Eagleface purred something about getting really cosy and Nightleap slapped him with his tail. They were an odd group of friends. Not close friends, no even that kind of love was forbidden.

She blinked sleepily and, through bleary eyes, thought that she saw Eagleface peeking at her over his tail. If she had have stayed awake longer perhaps she would have seen him say almost silently, "I hope you're my pair."

Gorsestar didn't let them sleep for long and Icebird wanted to claw him for dragging her out of her peaceful sleep. But her curiosity to know who she would spend the rest of her life beside got the better of her, so she merely ducked into a long stretch before following her leader to the hill in the middle of camp. Again the Clan gathered around them.

Cherryspot went to Lightningfrost. That left only Eagleface and Nightleap. Still, she wasn't quite prepared to hear Gorsestar say, "Icebird and Eagleface."

He, that mousebrained tom, brushed up beside her and said, "till death do us part, love."

 ** _/ |_**

Icebird couldn't quite remember when she'd fallen in love with Eaglestar. Was love supposed to be obvious? Was it supposed to hit you one morning so you'd know? It was a strange thing, came in waves that ebbed. Some days her love for him was faint. Others it was so strong she feared he'd be able to see it just by looking at her. The worst part of it though? The worst part was that she was so alone with these feelings. She couldn't tell anyone. They'd execute her. That, strangely, didn't scare her as much as how Eaglestar would look at her; the disgust and hatred. So she remained silent and terrified of the feelings growing inside.

The day she'd crawled into Solace's den, the shattered house on the hill, had been the worst of the bad days. Her heart felt like it was about to crawl from her chest and declare her feelings to the world, and all it had taken were a few words she didn't think he'd even meant sincerely.

"You aren't allowed to get hurt out there."

It was then that she'd known she had to kill him. The way it made her feel was _wrong._ It was forbidden, it was a weakness, it was _poison._ Looking at him with such longing in her heart would get her killed if she didn't strike first. One of them had to go and it wasn't going to be her.

She didn't regret that decision. In the end it was getting her what she'd always wanted: to be leader. But it was going to come at the cost of someone she had grown to care for, even if she hated the feeling. The love for him had become...normal. Part of her life. He was insufferable, full of himself, arrogant, and annoying, but she enjoyed the time spent by his side. If she could would she take back the plans formed with Solace? Maybe. Probably. Yes, she would. What was the world going to look like without him in it? How would she function without him pestering her all day?

Then there were times like now where she truly thought about calling it off, about telling Solace not to bother, the deal was over.

Eaglestar had demanded she take time out of her busy day to accompany him on a walk, to keep him safe from any tainted of course. They did this every few days and she loved it. She loved _him._ It was the only time she let herself truly love him without feeling bad.

She didn't hate him for making her feel this way. She couldn't hate him.

"You're usually much chattier than this, darling," he flicked her with his tail.

"I'm sure you can fill the silence very easily," she snipped back.

He laughed. Icebird loved that sound. "As much as I love the sound of my own voice I don't go on these walks just to talk to myself."

"Why do you insist on these walks?" The forest breathed around them, playful breeze tweaking their tails and rustling the leaves.

"Aren't I allowed to spend time with my lovely pair?" Eaglestar asked.

She blinked at him, perplexed. "I didn't think pairs were supposed to spend time together. Are you feeling sick? Here let me check, stop moving for a second." Cutting in front of him Icebird stuck a forepaw against his forehead, then nodded gravely. "Tainted."

Eaglestar frowned at Icebird from underneath her paw. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I am not tainted in the slightest. See?" He shook her off and pushed his chest out, "no sign of the taint. This handsome leader is positively healthy."

"Hm, I can see some early signs of full of oneself disease. It's fatal I'm afraid."

"Blasphemy!"

Icebird didn't know how to love. But this, running through the forest in the sunhigh warmth with her pair and friend racing after her, this felt like love; and if that was what love truly was then she didn't understand why it was banned, why it was forbidden. It didn't feel evil the warmth thrumming through her skin, didn't feel malicious the joy singing in her bones. No one in PureClan knew this feeling. They feared it, hated it. She felt like they were missing out on something beautiful.

They ended up in the meadow, stalking each other through the grass. It felt _right._ It felt like all this was meant to be, her, him, this love. He leapt from the grass behind her with a loud, victorious shout, and the two went down in a tangle of limbs. Everything he _did_ she _loved_.

"This is highly unprofessional," he snorted, rolling off her and onto his back,"deputy and leader playing tag in the woods."

"No one can judge if they never find out," she remarked.

Eaglestar gasped, "that's genius. We don't tell anyone a thing! See, this is why you're my deputy. You're the brains and I am the beauty."

"Oh you're the beauty are you? Why can't I be both beauty and brains?" Icebird poked him in the side.

"I suppose I could share a little of my beauty with you, but only if you share some of your brains," he demanded.

"Eaglestar, dear, there isn't enough room in that tiny head of yours for more brains."

"You wound me!" he cried, "is that why you won't love me? Because of my tiny brain?"

Icebird froze. _How can he throw that word around so easily, like it means nothing?_ Because it did mean nothing to him, and it should mean nothing to her. How had things become so twisted? How had her life turned from striving to become leader, to struggling to keep herself alive? If he hadn't existed would she have fallen for someone else? "You have enough brains for me," she said quietly.

"Good. I'd hate for you to leave me for another."

Overhead the clouds were fat and lazy, drifting aimlessly across the sky. "That one's nearly as big as your butt," she said while pointing at a particularly large one. His offended squawk echoed across the meadow. That was how they spent the afternoon, laying beside each other in the grass pointing out shapes in the clouds. It went from teasing each other to whatever they could make out of the heavy clouds.

The sun was beginning to sink when he spoke. "My mother used to tell me stories," Eaglestar said, oddly serious, "about a lake so clear that of a nighttime you could not see the difference between sky and land. She told me it was what she hoped StarClan looked like; whether it's true or not she has yet to show up and say."

"I suppose one day you'll enter StarClan and see for yourself," Icebird murmured. That traitorous voice whispered, _much sooner than you may like._

He turned then, shifted onto his side to watch her with something strange in his eyes. "I hope that you and I go together in some act of grandeur. My life would be very boring without you messing it up all the time."

It was odd that they were talking about the stars when the sun shone down on them. It was odd that Eaglestar spoke to her like he actually cared. It was odd that, for a brief moment, Icebird entertained the idea that perhaps he loved her too. For that moment she felt a kind of happiness she had never felt before.

"We best be heading back, we'll be leaving at dawn for the city." With those words he brought her crashing back down to her dark reality.

Tomorrow Eaglestar would die.

 ** _/ \_**

Dawn arrived swiftly and Eaglestar did not want to get out of his nest. It was considerably warmer in his feather lined nest that it was outside, he knew that was fact. From his den dug into the hill he could hear the chatter and movement of his Clan readying to leave. His rambunctious group of cat sure did love their raids. There was the sound of a commotion, frustrated yelling from Nightleap, before he heard _her._ "Cut it out, you useless lumps!" Icebird snapped. "We're supposed to look like a formidable force, not a bunch of kits!"

He sighed and rolled to face the mouth of the den where dawn's pale light was seeping in. The voice of his charming pair, perhaps the coldest deputy PureClan had ever had. She was indeed perfect, the Clan's ideal, a weapon sharpened to a precarious point. There was no kindness in her, no mercy; only a harsh sense of righteousness.

Icebird should have been leader, not him. He had never adhered to PureClan's cruel mentality. Since birth he had never feared what they called the poison. A sickly curiosity of it might have ruined him if he hadn't kept it secret. Love fascinated him. What was so _evil_ about it that a leader had forbidden it, then swept her Clan away when the others refused to do it too?

His fascination turned into actual love the first time he saw Icebird fight. The fluid grace, the calculated glint, the _satisfaction_ at winning. It was breathtaking. She was breathtaking. The sudden plummet into love frightened him for all of half a day. He was tainted, poisoned. Strangely Eaglestar didn't care. From birth they were groomed to believe that love made a cat weak. Perhaps it was time someone showed them that you could be strong with love. So he shrugged off his fear and went about his life.

Had he perhaps convinced Gorsestar than he and Icebird would make an ideal pair? Maybe. Had he sweet talked his way into leadership, then waited gleefully while Gorsestar died of blackcough? Perhaps. Had he turned a blind eye when Icebird murdered her way to deputy? Of course. Eaglestar was not a saint; all paths in PureClan were bloody and he imagined his would end in a wave of scarlet. He would never forget the way Badgertuft struggled as the river stripped him of his breath, or the way he went still when there was nothing left in his lungs. His darling pair was not the only one that had committed atrocities to get where they were.

The nest beside his was cool. In all his time being in this den it had only ever been used three times - they were paired after all, expected to produce a future. But they had never been successful. He hadn't expected her to creep in long after the sun had set. The moonlight had made her ethereal, some godly creature deigning him important enough to visit. In silence she'd lay down in that nest and in silence they remained for the night. He didn't ask her _why tonight_ just like she didn't ask him _why did it have to be you._

"Eaglestar! We're leaving!" his pair yowled.

Without a second thought about the extra nest and the memories it contained, Eaglestar left his den, coat ruffled from sleep but eyes alight with the prospect of bloodshed. The eyes of his Clan fell on him. "Let us remind the city why they fear us."

There was something off about the journey through their territory and into the unclaimed wilds that bordered it. On the horizon there was a smudge of gray - over sweeping plains of grey and a river that cut through it - the city in all its bland glory. Usually his pair stayed by his side practically buzzing with excitement. This time she walked beside Cherryspot, eyes downcast and haunted. He watched her from the corner of his eye, worried. This was not like her. He wanted to comfort her, ask her what was wrong, but he couldn't. Not here. Not ever. So he turned his attention back to the city.

Rainclouds were brewing thick and heavy in the darkening sky when they crossed the threshold between untamed wild and stone prison. The smell of rain clung to the air. It was going to be a wet raid it seemed. Eaglestar curled his lip; he hated getting drenched. Well, they couldn't turn back now. "You know what to do," he said to his Clan. "Kill some, maim some, drag some back here for assessments. Off you go. Entertain yourselves." He watched them disperse, flitting like phantoms over fences and walls, melting into the shadows. Before dawn they would stain the city red.

"Where are we going this time, love?" he asked Icebird. It had begun to rain already, thick drops slicking back her white fur.

A slight smile, "this way, dear."

She was back to normal then, creeping through the dark roads like she was _born_ to do it. Under sagging fences they went, over dilapidated walls. On a hill loomed a shattered house. They hadn't been to this part of the city very often; it was where the bulk of stray city cats lived. A grin curled at his muzzle. His darling pair was feeling rather murderous tonight to bring them here.

As they walked his gaze strayed to her stomach. Would they give their Clan a future this time? If this time turned out like the others he might have to start questioning whether Icebird was barren. It seemed...harsh to think like that. He didn't care if she could or couldn't give him kits, but the Clan did. StarClan did.

"Eaglestar," Icebird said softly. They'd come to a stop in an alley, soggy wooden boxes stacked up on one side, tall stone wall barring the other. Water seeped along the stone beneath their paws. She turned to him, the yellow of her eyes flashing in the night. "Eaglestar. You will understand why."

"Understand what? Icebird, what are you going on about?"

A shape stirred atop one of the boxes, uncurled and unwrapped, steps light as they slithered down the wood to the wet below. His pricked ears caught the sound of pawsteps behind them, then his eyes spotted a third slinking down the alley towards them. He opened his mouth to demand what was going on but the words died on his tongue when he realised Icebird was putting space between them. She was putting herself behind the intruders, unafraid of them as if she knew them.

Something like dread dropped in his stomach.

 ** _/ \_**

Nycto was the slinking shadow that dropped from the boxes. Behind Eaglestar she could see Vera, burly and cruel, cutting off his only escape. Icebird knew that Solace was padding up the alley towards them, could hear the soft splashes of her paws in the water. It had arrived. Despite the regret, despite the moonhigh visit, they had still arrived at this point; she had still dragged Eaglestar to his death.

"Explain, Icebird. What is going on?" Eaglestar demanded. His hackles were bristling, tail lashing. Even he, the great Eaglestar, must surely realise he was hopelessly outmatched?

"Yes," came Solace's smooth voice, "tell him, Icebird. Tell him _exactly_ what is going on." The city boss brushed up against Icebird's side, mouth twisted into a cold grin. How long had Solace _dreamed_ of having PureClan's leader at her mercy? She bared her teeth at the city cat.

"I'm sure you can guess." Did her voice really sound that cold? That detached? Her heart had fled her chest, broke free of its bone confines and escaped the cruelty its master was about to bring down upon it. She could feel her soul blackening, dripping, flaking, crumbling. It would be as black as a moonless night after this deed was done, if any of it even remained. "His left hindleg is weak."

At her side Solace laughed. "You heard her. Take him," she told her lackeys.

They fell on Eaglestar in complete silence, no battle cry or quiet snarls; purely professional. But Eaglestar was a leader for a reason and he would not go down quietly. He carved open Vera's shoulder, teeth splintering bone. Nycto lost half an ear to a vicious swipe of bloodied claws. A shriek ripped free of Eaglestar when Vera caught his foreleg in her mouth and bit down till it shattered. Jagged gashes down her face were what she got in return. It seemed like their fight would roll on till dawn, neither side giving. The water on the stone had gathered a red hue. Then there was an unbalancing. Rearing up to bring his paws down on Nycto's head Eaglestar couldn't stop Vera from darting in and raking her claws down the old scar; his leg quivered then failed him. He was pinned the moment his body slammed into stone.

"What a pitiful sight," Solace purred. Her claws sunk into the side of Eaglestar's head. "The great PureClan leader betrayed by his own deputy, his own _mate._ Here he lay, the one we all feared would sneak into our beds at night and slaughter us, in his own blood." He didn't even give her the satisfaction of a flinch when she dragged those claws down his cheek.

He bucked under the city cats weight, hissing and snarling like a beast possessed. Icebird pushed Solace away and planted herself right in front of him. The struggling stopped. The snarling ceased. The hot anger in his eyes melted into a cold sadness. "How could you _do this_?" he hissed. "We're friends!"

"There are no friends in PureClan, Eaglestar." The tremor that shook his strong shoulders struck painfully at her heart. "That's what you said when Stormleaf told everyone Badgertuft had been murdered in cold blood. No friends, only rivals." It hurt. Every word burned her throat.

Blood dripped down his forehead. "We're _paired_ , Icebird! You said you wouldn't know what you'd do without me!" he cried. Nycto pressed a paw into a seeping wound, drawing a pained whine from the golden leader.

"I suppose I'll have to find out what life is like without you," she said coldly.

Fear flooded his eyes. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't do this. Please, Icebird, please tell me what we have is worth more to you than the title of leader. _Please._ "

The pain burning in her veins, her skin, her heart, was worse than anything she had ever felt before. "We have nothing." It nearly killed her to say it, so false it was. She wished they had been born somewhere else, somewhere far from PureClan where the love she felt for him was accepted and not forbidden. "Kill him."

Vera bit into Eaglestar's scruff and lifted his head from the ground, presenting his throat to Nycto like a gift. He was screaming now. " _Icebird! Icebird, please! Don't do this! Don't let them kill me!"_ Begging like a frightened kitten. Nycto placed his claws to the throat offered to him. " _PLEASE!"_ Blood sprayed into the air, splattered on the stone, on the boxes, on Icebird's face. It gushed from the slash in his throat and spilled down the gold of his chest. He coughed and gagged and sputtered, blood rushing up into his mouth and soiling his muzzle. All the while his eyes never left Icebird, and hers never left him. She had brought them this far, she would see it through to the gruesome end.

Light was rapidly fading from his eyes, his head beginning to sag. The only sound coming from him now was a sickly wheezing as he tried to breathe past the hole in his throat. Deep inside Icebird's chest her heart cracked the very moment Eaglestar gave in and went still.

There was silence for a brief moment. "It is done," Solace said quietly, as if she was afraid to break whatever had settled over the alley.

"Again."

"What?" Solace blinked. "He's dead."

"He is a leader. He has six lives left. _Again._ "

Eaglestar stirred, a harsh cough sounding in his throat - the throat that was now lacking a slash in it. His wild eyes settled on Solace, then Icebird, brimming with fear now. He had finally realised the true depth of what was occurring. The alley was the place for his execution. Here he would be put to death six times.

She didn't know if her heart would still be beating by the sixth time. "Again," Icebird demanded.

"Icebird…"

" _Again!_ This is your part of the deal, Solace. Kill him again."

Eaglestar breathed out a reedy whine. "No. You don't need to do this. Please, Icebird. Can we talk, _please_?"

"Talking won't solve this problem," she replied bitterly.

"How do you know that!?" he shouted. "Tell me! Tell me, Icebird, and we will sort this out!"

Teeth met throat this time. It seemed that his body was still weak, not quite recovered from the first death. Unfortunate for him. Fortunate for them. _Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, let him live, explain it all to him, let him survive._ That tempting voice whispered such sweet things. She would not give into it. Love was forbidden, it had to be eradicated. If she got rid of him it would go away and she would finally be able to fulfil her apprenticehood dream.

That was what she kept telling herself as Vera's strong jaw flexed around Eaglestar's throat, teeth nicking his fluttering pulse. She bit deep enough for blood to well up around her teeth, then deeper still till his windpipe sat nestled in her mouth. Then she bit through that too. He was still screaming when his last breath was expelled, when the last of it stored in his lungs escaped. " _Icebird! Icebird! Icebird, please!"_ She knew that his screaming was going to haunt her dreams.

"Again," she said when he stopped twitching.

Solace protested, "wait, Icebird, this is...this is more than murder. This is _wrong_."

She wondered what Solace saw in her eyes that made her skitter back a few steps, what horror lurked in her broken depths. "If you want your territory safe kill him again."

When he awoke the second time they were ready, Vera locking his shoulders to the ground, Nycto rearing up to smash Eaglestar's skull. He didn't get a chance to even scream. Hollowly Icebird wondered if this was cathartic for the city cats doing the killing. She didn't flinch when his head caved, didn't turn away when the waterlogged stone floor turned an even darker shade of red. No, Icebird met Eaglestar's blank gaze while Nycto smashed and smashed till there was nothing left.

She didn't feel anything. "Again." Her body was numb. Her mind was numb. She couldn't even feel the rain freezing her bones. It felt like there was more rain sliding off her cheeks than what there should have been.

The third time he returned from death he lurched shakily to his paws before anyone could stop him. Little strength supported him and Eaglestar wobbled as he stumbled over to Icebird, tripping and falling at her paws. He pressed his nose to her leg and pleaded once more, "I know you always wanted to be leader, I know that was what you strived for. I didn't mean to get in your way; I'll step down. You can have it, all of it. I won't say a word."

It broke her even more that he still thought she was doing this for his position. "That's not enough."

His voice cracked. "Do you hate me?"

That broke her even more. Nycto and Vera didn't bother hauling him away; they ripped him open from throat to tail as he lay on her paws. His voice was raw from screaming and the howls of pain he released were _horrifying_ to hear. As he choked on the blood bubbling in his mouth he asked once more, "do you hate me?"

 _No, I love you, and that's why you have to die._

PureClan did not succumb to weakness. They did not give into the poison known as love. Icebird had fallen under its spell, now she had to prove she was strong enough to defeat it. She would break free of its clutches and return to lead PureClan into a greater era.

The next time Eaglestar returned Vera snapped his neck before his eyes even opened.

Solace yanked Icebird away before Eaglestar could wake up again. "The deal is off," she said hoarsely. "I can't be a part of this anymore. This is...I don't even have words for it. I don't care if you hunt in my part of the city, I don't care what you do, but I cannot watch this anymore. You...you're a monster. You have no heart."

There was no point in arguing, Icebird knew a lost cause when she saw one. She slit Solace's throat, then jumped on Vera and Nycto while they were distracted by Eaglestar. Neither begged for their life to be spared. They accepted their death even if it was bloody and hardly noble.

In the silence left in the alley Icebird sat back on her haunches and let the rain wash the blood from her face. "You killed them," Eaglestar rasped. He was staring blankly at their bodies.

"Can't have witnesses." The city didn't need to know what soulless monster now ruled over PureClan, how truly morbid she was to watch her pair be killed over and over.

"This isn't about being leader, is it?" he said.

"Not entirely," she replied.

Eaglestar crept closer. "Then what is it about?"

It was time he knew her secret. Maybe it would bring him some sort of peace in death, or maybe he would be disgusted. "The poison must be eradicated. It cannot be allowed to spread. I'd rather not kill myself, so killing you seemed like the next best option: eliminate the source and it will go away."

There was a sharp intake of breath and then he was _there_ , pressed up against her, nose pressed into her cheek. "You love me. You _love_ me," he murmured. Why wasn't he disgusted? Why wasn't he sneering at her and calling her weak for letting the poison in?

"I, I don't understand," Icebird stammered. "You don't hate me?"

He pulled back, but only far enough to be able to look her in the eye. "How could I hate you when I love you so much?" Eaglestar said softly.

Every muscle in her body seized up. "You...you love me?"

"I have loved you every day since I saw you fight for the first time. _Every day_ ," he told her.

He...he loved her. They were both tainted, both poisoned, both worthy of execution, but he _loved her._ She knew now that she was crying, that it wasn't rain, because she knew that one of them could not leave that alley alive. They had found love and now had to destroy it.

"One of us has to die," Icebird said. "The poison has to be destroyed."

Eaglestar watched her with sad eyes, "I'll never be able to convince you otherwise, will I?"

"It's _wrong_ , Eaglestar. We're PureClan's future and if we're tainted then it will spread and consume the entire Clan. It will destroy PureClan," she replied. It wasn't what she wanted. No, she wanted to go home and explore what love was with him, to discover what it felt like to love and be loved. But they couldn't.

"So one of us has to die?" he asked.

"Yes."

His nose pressed into her cheek once more and they sat like that, caught up in each other, for what felt like an eternity. It felt like home. Eaglestar stepped back, then leaned in to lick her muzzle. "I always knew my path would end in scarlet," he said as he bared his throat to her. "I'm glad that I got to spend my life in love with you."

Icebird squeezed shut her eyes and tried to ignore the awful pain in her heart. "I don't know what it means to love. I don't know how to love. I know what I have done is awful and you have every right to hate me and curse me and want to kill me, and I don't truly understand why you aren't angry, but I do love you, Eaglestar. I know that much."

"I hate the you that you think you are, the you that PureClan created. The you that views love as something horrible. I hate that we have come to this, and I hate that your upbringing is driving you to hurt yourself to save that awful Clan. But I don't hate the you that you actually are deep inside. The you that could one day exist. I don't hate the you that might accept this love one day and change PureClan for the better, and if I have to die to see that happen then I am willing to do so. I'm angry at PureClan and at myself for not even trying to change anything. I'm angry at you for refusing to see anything else but their sickly ideals. So finish it, Icebird. Finish it and do what I could not."

Under a heavy raincloud in a dirty alleyway splattered with blood, Icebird pressed her teeth against Eaglestar's throat and let his lifeblood run free.

 ** _/ \_**

Icestar sat on the hill in the middle of camp waiting for her Clan to settle themselves in front of her. She was a leader in name only. StarClan had not blessed her with lives because she had never gone to receive them. Icestar was a coward afraid of facing the cat she'd murdered. That night something had fractured inside her and it had changed her. She hated herself, _despised_ herself, for killing him. She hated herself for not giving what they had a chance. Her actions had replaced love with hate, that was her punishment.

She knew Eaglestar would be so disappointed in her that his death had been in vain. Selflessly he had offered up his own life in the hopes that she might change PureClan. But she never would. Icestar had given up on love, on herself, on him.

Down on the grass below were there very pleased apprentices still spattered with blood and injured from their assessment. "Heronpaw, you will be Heronmist. Hawkpaw, you will be Hawkstorm. Redpaw, you will be Redfeather. StarClan honours your quest to evade the poison and you are now full warriors of PureClan. Your pairs will be assigned tomorrow after your vigil."

The Clan chanted their names but Icestar did not. They were her kits but she felt nothing but loathing for them. The three of them were a reminder of what she could have had but gave up. It was because of them that she often found herself wishing Eaglestar was here, sharing this life with her.

Icebird died in the alley that night. Icestar had walked from it hollow inside, tinged with the ice she was named for.

She wished Eaglestar had killed her instead.

* * *

crappy ending is crappy.

for swyfte.


	2. In Death We See

_In Death We See_

There was something almost mundane now about watching her warriors and their apprentices drag screaming tainted from their sickly prison. She always found it strange that they struggled so much. Wasn't death a much better option than staying in that dark hole? She didn't bother paying attention to who grabbed who. Why bother? They'd be dead soon.

Had she always been this...detached?

Quaildapple tapped her on the shoulder. "We're finished. The apprentices have chosen their tainted." She was a good deputy; a relation, granddaughter. Leading flowed in their blood apparently. "I think it will be interesting, they've picked well."

"As long as they all pass I don't care how interesting it is," Icestar said dismissively. She eyed the excited apprentices scurrying after the warriors and wondered if they were truly feeling happy. _Why wouldn't they? This is what they've worked so hard to achieve._

"You look tired," Quaildapple commented as they walked through the forest. "Have you spoken to Lilypool about it?"

Was she imagining the glint in her deputy's eyes? "What would Lilypool be able to do other than tell me to take a nap? I won't be seen as weak, Quaildapple, because I'm _not._ You'd better remember that." If the sleek tabby wanted to rise a little higher she'd find herself falling instead. There was enough blood on Icestar's claws; no harm in adding a little more.

Had Eaglestar spotted that ambitious look? Had he known she hungered for his position? Of course he had, he just hadn't known the rest. Not that knowing changed anything.

Quaildapple _was_ right. She did look tired, and she felt it too, deep in her bones. Her time as PureClan's leader had been long, filled with victory; but nowhere near as long as those that had come before her. They practically owned the city now. Solace had talked too much. All it had taken was a swish of her tail and a purr, and Shade's kingdom had fallen. But that had been moons ago, and it had nearly cost her her life. Old age was slowly sapping away at the strength and the cunning that had won her so much.

Dying had been on Icestar's mind a lot recently. It was lurking nearby; death cloaked in shadows and uncertainties, waiting for her to take a wrong step. _Soon,_ it seemed to be saying, _so soon._ Death would be satisfied with her soul, it was nearly as dark as it, maybe even darker. She didn't have the nine lives other leaders before her had. Once this one was taken she'd be gone. It might not have seemed it to outside eyes, but she had been so careful with her sole life; her battles had been meticulously planned, her enemies picked with precision. No enemy clever enough to kill her had been allowed anywhere near her.

This death, however, was one she could not dodge. Nothing could stop her body from slowly ceasing to work. It had been a startling realisation. But what came after death wasn't what scared her the most. It was _who_. That night in the rain so long ago she had made him a promise, then broke it everyday after.

What would Eaglestar say when she finally faced him in StarClan? He was going to be angry, that much she knew: angry for breaking his promise, angry for what she'd become, angry at the way she treated their kits. Some part of her wanted him to hate her, to despise her. It was what she deserved after all. But another smaller part just wanted him to love her.

Despite the moons, the self loathing, the nightmares, her traitorous heart still loved that bastard. Icestar scowled at Tigerleap guarding the camp entrance. Let him think her bad mood was his fault. Love was a foul disease; it clung so tightly and refused to leave, slipped into her bones and made itself a home. Killing him hadn't done anything. In fact it had made it worse. Now guilt roiled with love.

PureClan had already gathered in a circle by the time Icestar had climbed to the top of the hill. There were four apprentices waiting eagerly for their chance to prove their strength. She passed her eyes over them. Three carried her blood. It was strange to watch her Clan and see how far her dark blood had passed.

"Wrenpaw, you first," she ordered.

It was quick and bloody, though she hardly paid attention to the shrieks and screams. Mundane. _Murder_ had become mundane. She really was a perfect leader in PureClan's eyes; cold, bitter, unafraid to be the monster she truly was. No wonder Gorsestar had kept such a close eye on her. She was PureClan, and PureClan was her - everything Brightstar had strived for.

Wrenpaw stared up at her, white coat splattered with red. It was remarkably similar to her own pelt, though the apprentice was much stockier than her. Still, the resemblance was there; the reminder that parts of _him_ still lingered in the Clan. "Well done," Icestar said, voice flat. "Owlpaw, go."

Where had the fire in her blood gone? She could barely remember how it felt to be excited about anything. Owlpaw threw her tainted to the ground. How had _she_ felt in that moment all those moons ago? Her lip curled. She'd lost so much more than Eaglestar in the alley that night.

Owlpaw gutted the scrawny tainted she'd picked, then daintily flicked the gore from her paw. Her smile was shy but relieved. Something pulled in Icestar's chest. It was thanks to her and Eaglestar that these apprentices were even alive, that their parents had even been born. They lived because of a stupid decision to visit him the night before he died in the hopes that it might change something.

She dismissed Owlpaw with a wave her tail, then invited Falconpaw to take his sister's place. He, thankfully, bore no resemblance to her or Eaglestar; all slim muscle and red pelt instead. How painful it would be to see her pair's mirror strut about the Clan each day. Icestar had never taken another pair, despite Clan procedure. Opportunities to take another had presented themselves on more than one occasion, but it had felt.. _.wrong._

There was a yelp, Falconpaw ripping into his tainted's throat, then silence. Nothing flashy from any of her kin, just quick and brutal. It was almost boring. The grass was a sickly red, stained with death. She passed her eyes over it without a second thought. _Mundane._ "Congratulations," she said, acting like a proud leader. "Cedarpaw, you're last. Make it quick."

Something flickered in the shadows cast by the long grass shielding the warriors den. Her eyes snapped to it, then to the tainted Cedarpaw had chosen. In her chest her ice heart came to a screeching stop. It was him. It was _him._ Golden tabby fur resplendent in the sun and eyes of such a vibrant green. He was back. He'd conquered death and returned to them, to _her._ But then she looked closer and it fell apart. It wasn't him, how could it be? This tainted was half the size and trembling in fear. There was white on his chin where _he'd_ had none; his golden fur fluffier, his face younger. . Not him. Never him. Still her heart ached, cried out for the one it had lost.

For the first time in what felt like seasons Icestar paid attention to the world around her. She watched Cedarpaw dive for the tainted with wicked claws outstretched, watched the blood spray and arch. Part of her was screaming; he was so like him it might destroy her more to watch him die. But what could she do? The golden tom was tainted, prey, and she was leader of the monsters that had abducted him.

So she could only watch as Cedarpaw did what he was trained from birth to do, what all PureClan cats were trained to do: rid the world of the poison. Feigning disinterest was so hard when inside she was a mess. _This_ was what Eaglestar had wanted to destroy. This sickly, foul side of PureClan, the abducting and murdering innocent cats simply trying to live their life peacefully. She could see it now, what he'd wanted to do and why. Like a coward she had turned away from their promise and let the Clan continue their brutal ways.

Cedarpaw slipped under the tainted's belly and Icestar waited for the killing blow to fall. It never came. The tainted slipped on the profuse amount of blood on the grass and tumbled onto the apprentice underneath him. Over the crowing of the warriors sounded a loud crack. Cedarpaw didn't move, even when the tainted rolled off of him whimpering. A collective hush settled.

By the grass the shadow solidified, gained a feline shape and a golden tabby pelt.

Cedarpaw was dead.

Slowly every eye turned to Icestar. What was she supposed to do? There was no rule for this, no procedure. The tainted never won. Cedarpaw's killer turned to her and she fell into those green eyes of his. Her Clan expected her to kill him to atone for Cedarpaw's death. What else would they expect? Blood for blood, that's how their Clan worked. She slid out her claws. She could do this. Just...close her eyes and kill him. He wasn't Eaglestar. They weren't the same. Eaglestar was dead already. She could do it. She could do it.

He slunk through the crowd, perfect and glorious, every inch the cocky cat he'd been in life. The wound that had killed him - a ragged tear in his throat - was absent, as was the blood he'd been soaked in the last time she'd seen him, when she'd left him in the alley to rot. Eaglestar came to a stop beside the shaking tainted and looked up at her, expression guarded.

The world, however, had stopped for Icestar. All she could see was _him,_ standing right there, as beautiful as he'd been when their life was simpler. Her heart raced and a warmth flooded her bones. This...this she hadn't felt for far too long. The rush of love. However much she hated it for where it had gotten her she could not make it go away. Icestar still loved Eaglestar, so much so that it was a permanent hurt etched in her heart. Each day she woke knowing he would not be there and each day the wound grew a little deeper. Why hadn't they just run away?

She stared the tainted down and all she could see was Eaglestar's body, bloody and broken, left to drown in the rain.

"Icestar?" Quaildapple had climbed up the hill. "Icestar? What are you going to do?"

She ignored her deputy and picked her way down to the bloody grass. "What's your name?" Icestar asked the tainted, hyper aware of Eaglestar's eyes on her. He was so close, right there.

"Addler," he whispered. Fear clung tightly to the air around him. Icestar couldn't blame him. She knew they looked like monsters. They _were_ monsters.

If she saved him, if she let this tainted live, it would make it right. What she'd done in the alley, it would be forgiven. A life for a life. Relief settled over her. Eaglestar would forgive her if she saved this tainted.

"It's not often a tainted kills one of our own," she replied. "Especially not in an assessment. Though I suppose some of the blame rests on Cedarpaw for not being stronger." In the crowd she heard his mentor give an offended hiss. "This leaves us in a dilemma. We're now down an apprentice moments away from becoming a warrior, and you are stuck here, alive."

Bonetooth growled, "kill him! Avenge Cedarpaw!"

If she was half the PureClan leader that thought she was she'd kill the tainted without hesitation. But she wasn't that cat anymore. Icestar was a facade. So she looked Eaglestar in the eye when she said, "you will join us, Addler, to make up for killing a valuable cat."

The uproar was instant and loud but Icestar didn't care. All she cared for was the pure relief that shone in her pair's eyes. At least she had done this one thing for him. "This is ridiculous!" Foxtalon yowled. "He's a tainted! He'll only be a burden and make us weak! Kill him!"

"You have to make a vow, Addler," she continued despite the disbelief from her warriors, "or you will have to die."

He was shaking so much, the little golden tom. But there was a spark of hope in his eyes. "What...what kind of vow?" he stammered.

"A vow that will bind you to PureClan for life." Semantics. They followed the old ways loosely, kept to the traditions of dusty words to appease their ancestors. "Will you take it?"

It was up to Addler now. If he refused then she would have to kill him. Eaglestar had to know that for he was watching Addler so closely. One day perhaps Icestar would share with Addler who had saved his life today. The fear of death chased the tainted to reply quickly, "I'll take it."

"Good. Do you promise to uphold the warrior code and continue PureClan's assault on the poison known as love even if it means giving up your life?" she asked.

"Yes." It was probably a lie but Icestar didn't care. What Addler chose to do with his life once he was a warrior would be up to him. If he was stupid enough to trip up and get himself killed then that would be his fault. She had given him the chance, now he had to run with it.

Lifting her gaze from him Icestar met the bewildered faces of her Clan. "From this day on this tainted will be a PureClan warrior. He killed one of us in a fair fight. He bested Cedarpaw on the field of battle so he shall become who he killed. Addler is no more. You are now Cedarstorm, warrior of PureClan. Live your life with vigilance, ever wary of the poison. Your pair will be given tomorrow, along with the others. This meeting is over." As the Clan broke up Icestar said quietly to Cedarstorm, "try to stay out of the way for a few days. If you're killed immediately me sticking my neck out for you will have been a waste."

He nodded rapidly then said, "thank you."

Eaglestar was walking away, back towards the grass he'd appeared from. A plea for him to wait was on the tip of her tongue when he looked at her over his shoulder, form already beginning to wobble and waver. There was something like disappointment in his eyes.

Then he left.

Again.

It sliced that wound even deeper, made it bleed anew. He had actually been there, right in front of her, and spoken to her. His voice...she'd heard it again after so long. If she breathed in deep enough she thought she could catch the barest trace of his scent on the breeze. Did he miss her? Did he...did he still love her? Or had her breaking their promise destroyed any trace of that affection he'd once had?

Soon. Death was near, it dogged her heels. Soon she'd see him in StarClan. Then they'd be able to deal with whatever was between them, even if it was broken beyond repair. Neither of them knew how to love. Perhaps in death they'd finally get the chance to learn.

Late that night, after questioning her newest warriors while they sat their vigils, she slipped into her den under the hill. All day she'd been far away, dreaming of what was waiting for her in death - of who was waiting. Perhaps if she had paid attention she might have noticed the dark looks her Clanmates had been giving her, might have seen Quaildapple drifting from warrior to warrior with a cunning grin. But she hadn't noticed, so when Hawkstorm padded into her den she only squinted at him.

"What are you doing in here?" she snapped. Stars, he looked so much like his father. "It's late and I'd like to sleep."

He snorted. "You've only ever cared for yourself. I heard stories about you, from when you were young. About the vicious PureClan warrior that created rivers of blood wherever she walked. How disappointing the real thing is."

It stung. His words _hurt_. She had never allowed herself to love her kits. One experience with the poison was enough, so she'd shoved them aside as quickly as possible, as all PureClan queens did. They had never loved her either. "Is there a reason you're in here speaking down to your leader?"

"Just a few parting words to my dearest mother," Hawkstorm grinned.

 _Parting words?_ She hardly had time to yelp when Hawkstorm gripped her by the scruff and hauled her out of her den. The night was cold, its chill sunk into her bones. Overhead the moon was dipping towards the horizon, though its light was still strong enough to illuminate the camp. Everyone was awake, gathered outside her den. The warriors on vigil watched curiously, silently. Hawkstorm tossed her onto the ground.

With a hiss she rolled to her paws. "What is this about?" Icestar demanded. "Tell me!"

Quaildapple strolled forward, "the Clan and I have come to a collective decision about you, Icestar. The decision we've made is for the good of PureClan." In the moonlight her gray dappled coat was bleached a stark white. Murder, and victory, glinted in her eyes.

"Decisions about the Clan are made by me and me _alone_." She was going to have Quaildapple's head for this. Then she'd beat Hawkstorm to a pulp. "This treachery will not go unpunished."

"Treachery!" Heronmist crowed. Her only daughter, beautiful, no doubt proud of her own daughter's bravery. "You committed treachery when you allowed that tainted scum to take up a warrior name right after it murdered one of us!"

Icestar snarled at Heronmist. "He beat Cedarpaw in a fair fight. Why do you think we let the tainted fight instead of just holding them down to be slaughtered? To test the strength of our apprentices. Cedarpaw failed, so Addler took his place. It is fair." She could see Cedarstorm through the crowd, towards the back where he was out of the way. _Smart._

"You're old, Icestar. We can all see it, and it's beginning to cloud your mind. I think it's time you stepped down, let someone else take over leading this Clan," Quaildapple purred, smooth as silk.

She raised her hackles and spat her anger at the deputy. The irony hadn't been missed either; she'd clawed her way to leader by murdering those in her way. Maybe it was going to become a PureClan tradition, kill your leader to be leader. "If you want to fight for this position then we'll fight for it, but you _will_ lose."

Quaildapple laughed coldly. "I'm not stupid enough to fight you, even if you are old and decrepit. No, we're going to give you a choice." She flicked her tail and Sunsparrow shoved Cedarstorm forward till the little tabby stumbled over to Icestar. "You get to pick. Either you die, or he does."

Icestar stared at Quaildapple. Had she been that cruel once? Her mind flashed back to the alley, the rain, Eaglestar's screams as his lives were taken one by one. Yes. She had been that cruel. "Or," she said, "I could kill you and remind this cowardly Clan _why_ I am leader."

"No. You choose or you both die," Quaildapple snapped.

She could pick herself. It would prove to her Clan that she was their cold-hearted leader. But...she glanced at Cedarstorm. Eaglestar had wanted the tainted to be saved. Picking herself would throw that all away. He'd hate her. The thought struck her painfully.

"Is this what you all want?" she asked slowly. Redfeather nodded when her eyes landed on him, though it was a timid nod. When no one spoke up in her defence she realised that death had finally come to claim her. She was old. Cedarstorm was young. It didn't seem fair to strip him of his life just to give herself an extra few moons.

"Hurry up," Quaildapple demanded. "We don't have all night."

With a sense of defeat Icestar put herself in front of Cedarstorm. She wanted her final act of glory to be something Eaglestar would approve of. Her life had not been lived the way it should have been. A promise had been broken that should have been kept. This way she might atone for wasting his life: using hers for an act of good. "Kill me."

Icestar was tired, in her body, in her mind, in her heart. She was ready to rest.

"A weak decision from a weak leader," Quaildapple sneered. "Put her to her knees."

Roughly she was shoved to her knees, Hawkstorm grinning while he did it. Then his teeth plucked at the back of her neck, lifting it back so her throat was exposed to the world. That was when her blood ran ice cold. An execution. She was being executed, just like she'd done to Eaglestar. A shudder ran up her spine.

Quaildapple leaned in close and spoke so quietly that no one else could hear. "I know _everything._ City cats talk, Icestar. You did this to your precious Eaglestar, didn't you? Because you _loved_ him."

Her heart stopped. _Lie, lie, lie, hurry up and lie before she tells everyone!_ "I killed him because he was a useless leader," she seethed. Everything she had ever worked for, all her plans and cold-blooded murders, had been to create a legacy that would never be forgotten. Icestar wanted to be remembered as the leader that toppled the city, not the leader that had fallen in love.

The deputy grinned and it was full of malice. "I suppose it doesn't matter," she drawled, "how you got here. You know the truth, I know the truth. Let's just leave it at that."

At least in StarClan she'd be able to stop pretending. In death she could be whoever she wanted, love whoever she wanted. Icestar passed her eyes over Redfeather once more; he'd always been the one that had made ignoring them so hard. Perhaps once they too joined StarClan she'd beg their forgiveness for allowing PureClan to tear apart the bond between them.

Cedarstorm was still huddled beside her looking absolutely terrified. They'd kill him as soon as they were done with her. Then her life would be wasted. Ironic really, that she should die the same way Eaglestar did and it be a waste. How to save him…The idea came in a flash and she grinned. "I have a final request," Icestar said, "a final law, rather."

"Why would we listen to any law you decide to make?" Hawkstorm laughed.

"Because in the eyes of StarClan _I_ am still leader, and what the leader says is _law._ " She had them, she knew that the moment Quaildapple's grin fell. The deputy flexed her claws into the dirt and Icestar knew she had limited time. "In the eyes of StarClan let it be known that I, Icestar of PureClan, make this law; the outcome of an apprentice's final trial shall always be death, whether that is the death of their opponent or their own death does not matter. Should their opponent win they are to be made untouchable - whether this means they are welcomed into the Clan or allowed to go free is up to the leader at the time. It is law, you cannot go against it."

Quaildapple looked furious. The Clan sounded shocked, mutters and murmurs rising into the quiet night. Deputy and leader stared each other down, and Icestar smiled. Even on the brink of death she emerged victorious. Hawkstorm yanked harder on her scruff, pulling back her neck further till it began to ache. Moonlight glinted off of Quaildapple's claws. Icestar was ready to die.

She made sure to catch Cedarstorm's gaze. "Do not waste this life."

Cold pressed against her throat, pressed till it drew a drop of blood. There was no fear in her scent, in her body. Icestar would not go into death begging, she would not give her enemies the satisfaction. So she looked Quaildapple straight in the eyes. _I hope this haunts you. I hope you remember this exact moment every night before you fall asleep, just like I did._ From the corner of her eye she kept watch for a barely there figure, hoping that he'd come to watch her finally join him. But he didn't show and she remained alone on the edge of death.

The claws dug a little deeper, sparked a sharper pain, and then they sliced to the side. Icestar wailed at the pain, the fire that started in her throat and burned through her body. Then she was choking on red. It gushed up her throat and into her mouth, spilled from the gash onto the grass. Spluttering she fell into her blood when Hawkstorm dropped her. Her lungs were starting to burn, rapid breaths failing to pass the mess. The world wobbled, wavered, became dark at the edges. Still the pain grew, became a blazing forest fire that swept through everything. Slowly, so slowly, she began to fade.

A final gasp for air that would do nothing and Icestar died with a thought swimming in her darkening mind. _He didn't come to watch me die._

 ** _/ - \_**

Icestar jerked awake and sucked down a breath of air into her burning lungs. Glancing down at her paws she expected to find them, and her chest, covered in blood. But there was none. The awful pain in her throat had vanished, as it if had never been there at all. Startled she tossed back her head and found a bright meadow spread out before her. A warm sun beat down pleasantly, and a soft breeze played amongst the grass. She could hear birds and scent prey in abundance. Wherever she'd ended up after Quaildapple had slit her throat...it was beautiful.

"Welcome to StarClan," someone said. Icestar turned, claws out and teeth bared, only to find a not an enemy but a stranger.

The silver tabby regarded the PureClan leader with a look of disdain. "You won't be harmed here," he told her. "Even if majority of those that live here aren't fond of your kind."

"My kind?" Icestar hissed.

"PureClan cats." He eyed her throat. "Bloodthirsty and haters of love. I'd stick with the dead of your kind if I was you."

"So you're not one of us then? Not some long dead ancestor of mine?" she asked, curious. The only cats she'd ever met were her own Clanmates or city cats. Never a cat from another Clan.

He shook his head. "I'm Aspenheart of ShadowClan. Usually we let PureClan cats welcome their own into StarClan but not many of them seem overly fond of you." Aspenheart cocked his head, "if your performance before they killed you is anything to go by it doesn't surprise me that you don't have many friends here."

Aspen _heart_. Never had a PureClan warrior taken that name. It was a name that alluded to a strength that their warriors were not allowed to have. Yet this warrior seemed to wear it proudly. What was it like to grow up in a Clan where love was normal, even admired? "What I just did is the last reason why they hate me," she scoffed.

"What did you do?"

Might as well tell him; Quaildapple was probably already informing the Clan what their former leader had done. "I fell in love." Pity tugged at his face. Icestar hated it. "Then I lured him into an alleyway and took all six of his lives away." That was better, the disgust and horror; mustn't let him forget that she had been leader of PureClan, a true monster worse than the warriors.

He sighed. "StarClan is not the place for you or your kin. Slaughtering innocents, revoking love, murdering your own Clanmates for personal gain, they are not actions StarClan supports."

"Yet here I am," she snarked, "in StarClan."

"If we'd had our way you wouldn't be."

Icestar bristled, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"StarClan is closing itself off from PureClan. We have hoped and waited for far too long for your evil Clan to return to the light. Why should we allow your leaders to take lives from us if they spit in the face of all we stand for? Why should we allow your dead into our lands?" Aspenheart snarled. "This is no place for your kind."

A cold dread settled in her bones. "Where...where will those who die in PureClan go now?"

The StarClan warrior shrugged, "we don't particularly care. Your own afterlife, one that suits your black hearts."

 _My kits._ She thought of precious Redfeather, on his own in an afterlife far from hers, cut off from her even in death. Foolishly she'd believed she would get her chance to finally be a mother to them, to apologise for the cold creature she'd been. "No," Icestar whispered, "no, you can't! How will I ever see my kits again?"

Aspenheart looked honestly confused. "Why would you want to see your kits? I thought all love was banned in your Clan."

"Banning something doesn't stop it from growing in secret." Then Icestar said what perhaps no PureClan cat should ever say, "I don't think love can be banned."

"Then why didn't you try to change the way your Clan thinks?" Aspenheart asked.

She stared at her paws. "Because I was bitter and angry and broken. I realised that I'd killed someone that I _needed_ , and the fallout ruined me. While I don't agree that love is inherently evil, it is awful and cruel."

Aspenheart made a soft noise. "Perhaps it's only cruel to you because you have been forced to see it that way. Love isn't cruel, Icestar, but your punishment for believing so and doing such terrible things will be. Your kits and their kits will never see StarClan. Your leaders will never again receive their lives from us. PureClan has turned from us so it is time that we do the same. For what it is worth, I am sorry."

Swallowing the bitter feeling rising up her throat, Icestar said, "why now? Why not moons earlier? Why am I here and not in PureClan's own afterlife?"

"You were not supposed to come here. But someone begged for you to be allowed in; threw himself at our knees to ensure you would spend your afterlife here."

"Who?" She knew. In the back of her mind she knew exactly who had begged. Who else would?

Aspenheart turned to walk away. "He did." The tip of his silver tail disappeared into the longer grass just as an achingly familiar scent caught Icestar's nose. Behind her, lurking on the edge of a line of trees, was Eaglestar. Her heart soared, and then plummeted. Words died on her tongue. What could she say to him?

"You weren't there." A phantom pain licked at her throat. "You didn't come to watch me die."

He looked away. "I couldn't watch them kill you. Not like that. I couldn't…"

Slowly she walked towards him, each step deliberately gentle as if he might flee. "I did it for you," Icestar said. "I saved that tainted for you."

Eaglestar flinched and faced her once more, something like anger flickering to life in his eyes. "What do you mean you did it for me?" he hissed.

"I..I saved him for you. To make us even. A life for a life," she stammered. "That's what you came down for, wasn't it? To show me how to make it right."

" _No!_ " he snarled and Icestar scuttled back a few steps, "why do you _need_ a reason to save an innocent life!? You would have killed him if I hadn't shown up, wouldn't you? You would have killed that tainted and not felt a single lick of remorse for it. A life for a life, what kind of _foxdung_ is that, Icebird?"

Hot anger roiled under her skin, set fire to her bones. "You're right, I wouldn't have felt remorse. That's who I _am_. I thought you didn't have a problem with that?! I've always been like that. You dying changed everything but that. Why did you come down to save that tainted if it wasn't to make us even!?"

"Because it was the right thing to do! You tore him from his home, threw him in a cave of horrors, and then made him fight for his life against someone who _should_ have been stronger than him. How is any of that _okay_? He won a fair fight and you would have killed him for it. So I showed up to save him. I came down to show you what you should have done _moons_ ago," he snapped.

"Don't you turn this around on me, Eaglestar," she spat back. "What did you change during your stint as leader? _Nothing_. You could have changed PureClan but you did nothing. You threw tainted into that cave and you used them for fodder just like I did."

"I was too busy falling in love with you to worry about the StarClan cursed _mess_ our Clan is! You are the embodiment of everything PureClan stands for, and I knew I would have to kill you to make any real change to that Clan. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill you. Then you dragged me into that ambush. You stripped me of all my lives in some morbid execution, then told me you loved me like it would make up for it. I _asked_ you to kill me so you could go back and fix PureClan, so you could change it into something better. You took my life and spat on it, Icebird."

White coat bristling Icestar screeched, " _stop_ calling me that! I am a _leader_!"

"You are no leader to me," he said coldly.

A sort of numbness settled over Icestar then. Her hackles flattened, her ears sagged and the anger that had been scorching her veins dissipated. "So you hate me then." Even her voice sounded flat. "You want nothing more to do with me."

"I still love you, Icebird. But I'm angry and disappointed and _sad,"_ Eaglestar replied. "I gave you the opportunity to grow and change, but you threw it away. I wanted to see you become the cat I know is under all the PureClan conditioning."

There was a lifetime of PureClan conditioning weighing her down, a lifetime of murder and belief that love was wrong. How could he see someone under all that? There _wasn't_ anyone under that. She had become PureClan. The world tilted sharply. Right then she wanted to be anywhere but there, anywhere away from _him._ If he wanted what he could apparently see under all the conditioning then perhaps it was best if they parted ways now.

Icestar shoved roughly passed him. "Our son held me down while Quaildapple slit my throat." Then she left him standing on the edge between forest and meadow, pretending that his choked whine didn't slice deep into her heart.

 ** _/ - \_**

StarClan, Icestar had found, was rather lonely. It appeared endless, forests and meadows and lakes stretching forever. The sun was glorious, the moon even more so. Day was warm, night was cool. An eternal greenleaf. There were others she came across, other PureClan cats; never a different Clan, there was a divide even in death between the normal and the not. But they all looked at her with distrust. Everyone it seemed knew of her sins, of her dealings with love. So they ignored her, and she pretended it didn't hurt but it really did.

She came across Gorsestar in her wanderings. In the days before his death his body had become skeletal, and his fur had dangled limply. Now he looked to be in his prime, regal and powerful. She'd stumbled upon him while hunting - not that she was ever hungry, she just needed to move, to do _something_ \- and forgotten all about the mouse diving between the roots of a tree. Once upon a time Gorsestar had been so proud of her, bragged about her being PureClan's future. Oh how she'd ruined that.

"When you were born," he said, "you didn't look like much. You nearly had a very different fate, but your father said he saw a strength in you. He was right of course, you grew to be one of PureClan's strongest warriors, one of its most infamous leaders. But you did something very stupid." Gorsestar frowned and let out a long sigh. "It means something that you of all cats fell for the poison." Someone called his name in the distance. "Enjoy your afterlife, Icestar."

In her lifetime Icestar had not made friends. Her Clanmates had respected her, feared her, but never been close to her. Friends hadn't been something Icestar had craved either; that kind of love, too, was banned. But now she wondered what it would be like to have someone walking by her side, someone she could talk to about anything and everything.

She missed Eaglestar even despite how angry she still was at him. He was right, she'd done nothing to change their Clan but neither had he. They were both just as bad as each other. The tiny part of her that PureClan hadn't been able to freeze over wanted to see him desperately. So she squashed that part down and kept walking, went further and further into StarClan's depths for days and days. Run ins with other cats became few and far between. Icestar wondered if there was an end to StarClan, if she was perhaps nearing it.

Not long after dawn one morning, Icestar emerged from the thick forest she'd spent what felt like an age traversing.

Short grass bowed under her paws and an odd stillness clung to the clearing she'd stumbled upon. To her left and to her right the odd clearing travelled as far as the eye could see, sprawling out from the thick forest. A little ways ahead, ripping savagely through the grass, was a gaping canyon. Curious Icestar crept closer. She couldn't see the bottom to the canyon, it just faded into darkness. She knocked a pebble over the edge and held her breath, waiting for the _ping_ of it hitting something. It never came. On the far side of the canyon, so far that no cat could ever leap it, lay a tangled, dark forest.

"Both of us should be over there for the things we've done, shouldn't we, Icestar?" It was a voice she didn't recognise but it made her shiver; something so vicious and cruel dripping from their tone. Strolling from the forest like they were royalty was a she-cat Icestar didn't recognise. Their fur was sleek, white splashed with orange, and they levelled her with a fiery stare from eyes that didn't match.

Immediately Icestar realised what was about to transpire in the clearing: a game of words and wit. "Am I supposed to know who you are?" So she kept her cool all the while her heart fluttered frantically against her ribs. A canyon lay at her back. Would she die again if she was to fall into it?

"What we look like and who we truly are is always lost to history." The stranger smiled sharply. "But our victories are never forgotten. I forged our Clan from nothing, time will never forget that."

Dread dropped in her stomach. "Brightstar." PureClan's _founder_ stood before her, mismatched eyes watching her every move, claws flexing into the grass. Moons ago Brightstar had proclaimed love a weakness and put forth an amendment to the Code banning it - the other leaders had laughed at her. Not one to be swayed by others, Brightstar stole her Clan away in the dead of night. Come dawn only three remained by the lake.

Or at least that was the story passed down. What secrets had time hidden? How much blood stained her paws?

Brightstar's smile curved into something more dangerous. "The one and only. Do you know what's on the other side of that canyon?"

"Nothing good I suppose, given the impossibility of getting to it." She played the uninterested party so _well_ but by the stars she was burning to know just what lay in the tangled forest beyond.

"Well you're half right. You see when a Clan cat does something awful, something unforgivable, they don't get to enter this grand afterlife of glorious sun and endless prey. Instead they get cast into the Place of No Stars, into the dark where no one will ever see them again." Brightstar prowled closer, a hungry glint in her eyes as she stared into the far forest. "Which of course then begs the question, why aren't _we_ there? You and I, we've done terrible things for our Clan."

A chill was settling over Icestar. "I'd rather not argue the nitty gritty details behind why I am here and not there in case StarClan decides they've made a mistake." This was going somewhere, Brightstar didn't seem like the kind of cat to talk just for the fun of it.

"We're here and not there because StarClan were _curious_ about what would happen if love was banned. You managed to scrape in just before they realised they couldn't stomach the duty of ridding the poison from the world. Cowards." Her face twisted. "I threw everything I had into PureClan, killed those that I had once considered close friends because they refused to follow me, lay down life after life till our Clan had carved a home into that forest, till we had made a name for ourselves in the city."

Icestar chose her words carefully, but didn't hesitate when she spoke. "You must be very proud of how far PureClan has come."

"It's everything I ever dreamed it to be, viciously against any form of weakness but especially love. I realised that PureClan had finally become _pure_ when you began to rise to power. Oh you were everything I wanted my warriors to be, so cold and cruel and _powerful._ " Brightstar turned her head and Icestar knew things were about to go very wrong. "Then you jeopardised everything."

Suddenly the canyon yawning before their paws looked more like a grave. Icestar took a few hurried steps away from it, ensuring that if Brightstar wanted to throw her into it she'd have to fight to do it. "I didn't jeopardise anything," she spat. "I fought the poison and I won. I killed Eaglestar when he became tainted just like I said I would when Gorsestar asked."

The laugh that tore free from Brightstar froze the blood in Icestar's veins. "Don't play hero with me, Icestar, I know the truth. You never stopped loving that bastard, I can see it in you now. Love always makes a cat stand weaker, _look_ weaker. Even if killing your pair did destroy any last bit of heart in you you still _fell in love_." Her pelt bristled and those mismatched eyes blazed with hatred. "You could have destroyed everything PureClan stood for, all my hard work!"

"But I didn't. I didn't change a thing and PureClan still stands strong as crusaders against the poison. You want me to apologise for falling in love?" There was a revelation brewing on her tongue. "Well I'm not sorry! I'm not sorry that I loved him because it was the only thing that made me feel _real_. All I ever was to anyone was PureClan's Ideal. But to him I was _someone_."

A growl was thundering in Brightstar's throat and she took a stalking step forwards. "You let that filthy tainted into my Clan, you let it get away with the murder of one of our own. Now it will _live_ alongside my perfect warriors and _breed_ with one all because it looked too much like your darling pair." Eaglestar had called her that, but on her tongue it sounded like an insult. "I will make you pay for endangering my Clan!"

Icestar was only half expecting the attack so when Brightstar leapt at her, claws flashing in the sun, she could only turn so her shoulder took the brunt of the impact and tumble to the ground. The skin on her shoulder fell away into ribbons, Brightstar's claws cutting deep. She bit back, teeth sinking into the side of her neck. Blood streamed free. They were two mighty leaders, renowned for their ferocity and bloodthirst, and Icestar knew this battle could only end in death. Permanent death. There would be no afterlife waiting beyond this one.

She kicked up into the soft of Brightstar's belly and hauled herself out from under the she-cat, slitting another notch into her ear as she went. There was already blood soaking her right side, splattered from her shoulder and staining her white fur. If she was to die here then she would do it gloriously. She didn't wait for Brightstar to gain a footing, pouncing on her shoulders and setting claw to bone. Fur parted beneath her claws, then skin gave way, then blood burst free. Brightstar bucked once, twice, then threw herself to the ground dislodging Icestar.

A caterwaul split the unnatural stillness of the clearing. Icestar met Brightstar head on, rearing onto her hindlegs, reaching with her foreclaws for the belly her enemy presented. As she went low Brightstar went high, teeth snagging the underside of her chin startlingly close to her throat. She ripped free and dropped low, driving her shoulder into Brightstar's stomach, chasing the air from her lungs and knocking the leader to her back. Her claws sunk into the soft flesh and ripped, like she was trying to tear Brightstar open; a patch of orange darkened to scarlet. A furious yowl left Brightstar's mouth. She kicked Icestar off and rolled onto her bleeding stomach.

They stared at each other, blood dripping from their muzzles, bodies aching and hurting. "Do you know what I did to Eaglestar when he arrived here?" Brightstar rasped.

"What?" Only peace should have been waiting for Eaglestar after his awful death. Anger heated under her skin and a snarl twisted her face. " _What!?"_

"I beat him within an inch of his life; punishment for loving you, for letting you kill him."

Icestar _screeched_ and threw herself at Brightstar but she had forgotten their game. A victorious grin curled at Brightstar's face - in their game of words and wit she had won. Love was a weakness and she would exploit it. Fuelled by anger Icestar's leap was shaky and poor and Brightstar slipped out of the way with ease, reaching up to smack her harshly in the side of the head. It slammed her into the grass hard enough to rip the air from her lungs.

"Look at you," Brightstar hissed, snakelike, "making stupid, risky attacks like that because you lost your cool, because I _hurt_ your pair. This! This is why love makes us weak!" She shoved Icestar onto her side and pressed claws to her throat. A slither of red dribbled free. "All I had to do was say I'd beaten him up and you were willing to throw your life away. _Love_ is a _poison,_ and you will die because of it _again_."

Gasping around the weight pushing down on her throat Icestar said, "what happened to you? What...what broke you? Why do you _hate_ love?"

"The whys and the hows do not matter anymore, all that matters is that I was right," she spat.

"You fell in love!" Icestar laughed. "Did they die? Did they leave you? They broke your heart, right? So you turned you back on love forever, all because of one tom!? You _stole_ a Clan and started PureClan's regime all because you suffered from some heartache?"

In a game of wit perhaps Brightstar was the better of the two, but when it came to words Icestar could spit ones that lashed into hearts and tore through minds, brought cowards to their knees. She strained against Brightstar's paw and hissed, "you were the first tainted."

The claws at her throat cut into skin and Icestar winced. She could feel blood slipping through her fur, could hear it splashing to the ground. "Don't talk about things you know _nothing_ about!" Brightstar snarled, voice full of hate. "I was _right_. About love, about heart, about _him._ All you needed to do was follow the Code I lay down, and you couldn't even do that. You are no leader, no warrior, no _part_ of PureClan." With each word Brightstar pushed her claws a little deeper, let a little more blood gush free. Icestar quit struggling. No one in StarClan would miss her, that was certain. Maybe it was justice that she be stripped of an afterlife.

"Let her _go!_ " Brightstar's claws were ripped free as she was thrown to the ground. A shadow fell over Icestar, one that she could barely believe was really there. "You don't get to hurt her," Eaglestar spat. "Not now, not ever."

PureClan's founder stared Eaglestar down, lip curling. "You're sickening," she said. "Your devotion to her is foul and it's what got you killed. How can you still protect her, _love_ her, when she murdered you?"

"Because she is everything to me." The words struck Icestar forcefully and her head spun. How, after everything she'd done to him and said to him, did he still love her? "Leave, Brightstar. We won't cause trouble for you if you don't cause trouble for us."

"Cowards. You deserve each other," she sneered and limped away.

Gingerly Icestar pressed the back of her forepaw to her throat, wincing when it came away bloodied. "It'll go away. You'll be flawless once more." The humour in his voice sounded strained.

"Like you?"

He laughed and it sounded almost like it used to. "Not quite, no one will ever be as flawless as me." Eaglestar knelt down in front of her; he gently lifted her head up with his nose, withdrawing ever so slightly to look at the bloody mess. A sigh escaped him. "You were going to let her kill you, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I was. Figured no one would miss me here." It twisted something inside her heart to watch Eaglestar's face fall. "Thought you'd be better off without me."

"Please," he said hoarsely, "please don't ever think that. I would miss you _so much_. Waiting for you up here was hard enough."

Her heart felt warm. "How did you find me? I haven't seen another StarClan cat in days."

"Ah, I followed you. After the argument I just wanted to see if you were okay, but you kept moving and I couldn't catch up. You wandered right to the very edge of StarClan, that's impressive. Could've slowed down for me though," he purred.

"Maybe you should have ran a little quicker," she retorted. She'd missed this, the playful bickering that had been such a grounding part of their relationship.

He licked at the blood staining her throat and she tensed. Still he continued, grooming her, something they'd never been able to do whilst they were alive. Slowly she let the tension slide free of her muscles. A soft purr rumbled in her throat. "There's that pretty white fur," he said softly, almost lovingly.

There was so much she wanted to say to him, and it all got stuck on her tongue. "Thank you," she managed to get out. "For everything."

Eaglestar looked at her. The setting sun caught and danced over his fur. "Come with me. We're not too far from something I want to show you."

As they walked Icestar realised that she wasn't scared to love him anymore. She didn't look at him, feel her heart lurch, and then panic. Instead all she felt was a soothing warmth and a happiness that she'd never experienced before. It made her smile.

They left the canyon and the bloody clearing behind, heading into the thick forest. Eaglestar seemed to know where he was going, confidently navigating the thin trails. The sun dipped behind the horizon taking its golden glow with it and leaving the forest in a darkness lit up by the pure light of the moon. She could see something winking through the trees when Eaglestar turned to her with a wink.

"Close your eyes please." She did without hesitation. "Perfect. Here, I'll make sure you don't fall flat on your face."

"You'd make me fall on purpose," she snorted.

Eaglestar laughed and this time it _did_ sound like it used to, "I would but not this time."

"Why not this time?" she asked, shifting left when he nosed her that way. Her ears pricked, catching the soft lull of water brushing pebbles.

"Because," he said, muzzle brushing her ear, "this is far more important. Open your eyes."

She opened them slowly, not quite sure what to expect, and gasped. Nothing had prepared her to see what was spread out before her, reaching far into the horizon, glistening in the moonlight and blinking with the stars. It was _beautiful._ A lake spreading as far as the eye could see, perfectly reflecting the night sky blooming overhead. All she could do was stare in wonder and awe. Eaglestar stepped into the water, so shallow his paw hardly made a ripple, and began to walk in the sky.

"Come on!" he shouted over the lake, "come walk in the stars with me."

The water was cold but not freezing and washed soothingly around her paws. Each step took her further into the sky and with each step she found her heart soaring higher and higher. Eaglestar had wanted to show her this long before she arrived in StarClan, this place of beauty and wonder. He was waiting for her a few foxleaps away, fur white in the moonlight, smiling in a way she'd never seen him do before. It hit her then that in StarClan he was _free_. So she smiled back.

Then she remembered.

"Your mother told you stories about this place," she said quietly, frightened she might disturb the beauty. "It's real."

Eaglestar nodded, "she showed me a few days after I got here. I'd take you to meet her but she doesn't approve of what we are to each other."

"I don't think there are many that do approve of us," Icestar sighed.

"Who cares what they think? We're dead now, it doesn't matter if we obey their laws or not. I don't have to hide how I feel anymore and it's the greatest thing in the _world_. I can finally be me." He sounded so happy. His happy expression soured. "I'm...sorry I wasn't there when they killed you. I...Brightstar found me and told me what they were going to do to you after saving that tainted. She told me she'd put that idea in Quaildapple's head, to overthrow you. I felt so _guilty_. I couldn't watch you die, I just couldn't do it."

In a moment of bravery Icestar stepped right up to Eaglestar and tucked her head under his chin. "A part of me wishes you'd been there, but I'm also glad you weren't. It was demeaning and I didn't want you to see me like that." She pressed her nose into his fur. "What I said before I stormed off...I'm sorry I said it the way I did. I don't blame you for what Hawkstorm did. He...He was only doing what he thought was right for PureClan - and I'm sorry I never fought to fix our Clan, I wasted your sacrifice."

"Calling you Icebird wasn't fair. I only said it because I knew it would hurt you. You _are_ a leader in my eyes, you always have been. I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes, shut away the beautiful lake of night, and listened to the steady beat of his heart. "I forgive you."

"And I forgive you," he purred and rasped his tongue over her head. "We both did terrible things to each other and to others, and we lost ourselves in it. But we have an eternity now to be ourselves, to learn what love really means. I'm ready for our second chance. Are you?"

Icestar pulled back to look him in the eye. "I am."

His breath left him in a rush. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

"More beautiful than you?" she teased.

He tugged her back under his chin, laughing loud and happy, "impossible. You're very close, though. One day you might get there."

Surrounded by the sky, dressed in moonlight and stars, the restraints PureClan placed on them quivered and crumbled. They were not PureClan, and PureClan was not them, not anymore.

"I love you, Eaglestar."

"I'll always love you, Icestar."

But had they ever truly been PureClan?

 _The End._


End file.
